Welcome!

Welcome!

This blog addresses various emotional aspects of experiencing infertility. It is written by a clinical psychologist who specializes in infertility counseling. Thank you for reading, and best of luck with your journey!

Monday, March 16, 2015

Thoughts on "older" motherhood: delayed parenthood after infertility

One things that many women who experience infertility find is that their entry into parenting is delayed...often by several years.  Such was the case with me.  Despite all my efforts to the contrary, I have found myself in the older mother camp, having my last child at age 42.  (With lots of help, of course.  Let's be real here.)  My parents and grandparents both had their children in their early twenties, so it's kind of mind boggling to me that I can remember when my grandmother had her forty-fifth birthday!

People have lots of opinions on what age someone should be when they have a child, and particularly about entering into parenthood in the forth decade and beyond.  I can't tell you the number of times I have heard women tell me that they never wanted to be "old parents".   I hear them often express a fear that it will not be fair to the child to have older parents, and that it somehow isn't "right" or "natural" to have a baby later in life.  And yet, like me, they find themselves in that very situation.

The impact of having older parents on a child is an important issue.  Like so many things in life, there are no clearcut answers about the effect having older parents may have on a child.  It is true that the child may have less time with their parents, although there is never a guarantee of longevity no matter when a person begins to parent.  On the other hand, older parents are usually more financially stable and emotionally ready to take on the exhaustive and difficult task of parenting.  I think the main thing is to recognize that there are really no ideal situations for children.  Every child will receive blessings and face challenges based on their circumstances.  The most important thing is to try to help a child cope with and work around the limitations of their situation.  For example, if you are worried that your child will be alone later in life, you could make the effort now to ensure that there will be other supportive adults available to them.

As for the actual experience of parenting after forty, I would say that I have noticed I have felt out of sync with my peers.  Some of my high school classmates have grandchildren the same age as my youngest child! As their children are older, they are getting back into the swing of adult life--focusing more on careers, and having a more active social life.  Meanwhile, I'm still sleep deprived and changing diapers.  Sometimes I feel a bit envious of their relative freedom, but then again, I still have a lot more of my parenting journey to anticipate.  Many of my friends have noted some envy of me, as they miss the baby stage and the cute entertainment small children can sometimes provide.  Perhaps in the end it all balances out?

 I also have noticed that many of the parents of my children's friends are quite a bit younger than I am, and that we don't perhaps have as much in common.  The older parents I know tend to congregate towards one another with a sense of relief, perhaps feeling that another older parent will better understand their experiences.  But I think this may be our own insecurity, as I've never had a younger parent say or do anything that would indicate criticism or a lack of acceptance.

For me, I think the most challenging part has been the physically grueling nature of parenting a young child.  My husband and I both agree that the sleep deprivation after our youngest child was born was devastating, more so than with our oldest daughter a decade earlier.  I think we were so sleep deprived that we couldn't even realize that we needed help.   Thus, I highly recommend night nurses, grandparents, friends, or anyone you can get to help you at night.  You can fake a lot of things over forty, but dealing with lack of sleep isn't one of them!  

As for the rest of the physical demands, I've had to make sure that I exercise consistently in order to be able to keep up with my children.  I think that base level of fitness keeps me feeling and acting younger, which I need because my son is at a stage where he enjoys running away and hiding...and I need to keep up with him.   Exercising also helps me feel like I am doing something to increase my chances of living a long life, so I will be around for all of my children's milestones.  I also see my doctors for my annual checkups religiously, try to eat a balanced diet, and do whatever else I can to reduce my risk factors for early morbidity.  Although we cannot see what the future holds for us, trying to live a healthy lifestyle reduces some of my anxiety around leaving my children too soon.

I haven't yet had the experience of being mistaken for my child's grandmother, mostly because I keep a hairstylist in business trying to get all my grey hairs hidden from sight, but I feel that may be coming soon.  I don't suppose there is much any of us can do about that one.  After all, throughout my journey to parenthood, I have endured many tactless comments, and I guess it only makes sense that it would continue.

For many more thoughts on parenting after forty, I recommend this blog A Child after Forty, which has lots of great stories and resources.

Thanks for reading!  I welcome any comments or suggestions for future posts.  Feel free to comment below or email me at lisarouff@gmail.com.





41 comments:

  1. I am really enjoying see your posts again. Clearly as a therapist you have a great way of getting to the heart of the matter without all the bullshit and trite things you hear from those that haven't actually experienced IF - our doctors and specialists would do well to learn this sometimes. Keep posting!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have been searching this post,, at last i found this glad it helped out, thanks
      sexology treatment in chennai

      Delete
  2. Hi Lisa,
    It is really interesting to know your view and experience on older motherhood however I got pregnant at 25. I think, it was too early.
    Thanks
    Geneva Reed

    ReplyDelete
  3. The diagnosis of infertility is often very overwhelming for patients. Indira IVF Reproductive Specialists believes in creating a partnership with the patient and we have found that the most successful partnerships occur when the patient is well-informed and can play an active role in their treatment.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It is really a nice and helpful piece of info. I’m glad that you simply shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thank you for sharing also for more information related Infertility .

    ReplyDelete
  5. Many women start giving up on the concept of motherhood as they think they’re too old for the IVF treatment. women in their late 30s and early 40s can savor the joy of motherhood through IVF. The only flip side is that the success-rate of IVF among women in their late 30s and early 40s is tad lesser than the ones in their late 20s and early 30s.

    Medicover Fertility is one of the top IVF Clinics in India. The fact that every 5 hours, a Medicover child is born worldwide is a testimony to its superior success-rate.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great Post!

    Now a days because of this competitive world most of the women are career focused and they avoid getting into motherhood in their early 20's but as the one grows older in age the chances to conceive also lowers. IVF treatment is the most effective solution to bless you a baby in late 40s

    Jaipur Fertility Center is the best IVF treatment center of Rajasthan and is the first center to deliver the first IVF baby of Rajasthan and North India

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great information...Your post the very informative i have learned some information about your blog thank you for Sharing the great information.....IVF Centre in Delhi

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks a lot for this particular material about "Thoughts on 'older' motherhood: delayed parenthood after infertility" I had been browsing all Search engines to find it, and finally I found the best article here. Thanks for sharing this great guide with us.

    Best Chiropractic websites design and marketing solutions for chiropractors in America.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dr.Thomas Fertility Center offers best IVF treatment and help childless couples to experience the parenthood.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks for sharing this nice post! There are some online fertility books which gives proper idea of all fertility related problems.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Prashanth Fertility Research Center in Chennai provide best treatment for women who suffer with infertility.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Best IVF Centre in Delhi is where female eggs, sperms and fetuses are handled,and become outside the human body , in an exceptionally uncommon controlled condition.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Very nice article. Age does matter for pregnancy but with the best treatment for infertility in Delhi, anyone can become parents and cherish parenthood.

    ReplyDelete
  14. As with the advanced technology Age is no more issue to be pregnant. For any complications, Infertility treatments are available in India at Rana Fertility Centre. Also for any reason any female wants late pregnancy she can freeze her own eggs which can be used later for pregnancy.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi…
    I’m 40 years old and my husband is 44. We’ve been trying to conceive for 6 years now, and had 3 rounds of failed IVF. My doctors said I couldn’t develop any eggs. My FSH levels were high and progesterone levels were too low.
    The good news is that I could get pregnant naturally without invitro fertilization and other Assisted Conception treatments by using natural remedies.
    look at the method we use here:
    http://infertilityinwomen.com/how-to-get-pregnant-faster

    ReplyDelete
  16. Yes, that’s true. In this era, infertility has been increasing day by day. Couples are not getting success in their married life because of infertility. In this case, you can visit fertility clinic in Hyderabad, most popular for infertility related problems.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Its the astonishing data for me. Am adapted bunches of data about IVF.Thank you for sharing the considerable data. IVF Clinic in Delhi

    ReplyDelete
  18. It is really a nice and helpful piece of info.

    ReplyDelete
  19. infertility for easy Conception. (No more adoption, with Dr Itua your problem will solve and you will have your child with ease.I have been blog Sites for a while now and today i felt like i should share my story because i was a victim too. I had endometriosis for 18 years and i never thought i would ever get a cure due to the terrible symptoms i had and this made it impossible for me to get pregnant even after 12 years of marriage and it was a serious issue. I got to know about Dr. Itua on Blog Site who treated someone and the person shared a story of how she got a cure and let her contact details, i contacted Dr. Itua and he actually confirmed it and i decided to give a try too and use his herbal medicine that was how my burden ended completely. My son will be 2 this december and i am gratetful to God and thankful to his medicine too.Dr Itua Can As Well Cure The Following Desease…Cancer,Hiv,Herpes,Epilepsy, Hepatitis B,Liver Inflammatory,Diabetis,Fribroid,Get Your Ex Back, If you have (A just reach his on (drituaherbalcenter@gmail. com Or Whatsapp Number..+2348149277967)He can also advise you on how to handle some marital's issues.He's a good man.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Cm hospital Fertility Centre in Chennai states that Preterm birth that were common during these modern world which would be resolved with the guidance from the experts who would help you out in order to be safe as well prevent these preterm defects.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Motherhood is the best feeling ever. Every women have more dreams on their children. Having a baby in forties is quiet difficult but it is easy when taking the infertility treatments.

    ReplyDelete
  22. IVF treatment is basically done because the parents who are failed to conceive after several attempts they undergo a process,thank you for sharing information.

    ivf treatments

    ReplyDelete
  23. Impressive work.Delayed parenthood after infertility.CM hospital is the best Fertility Centre in Chennai with individualized treatment and Gynecologist In Velachery will give you the best care, they are focused in your health and comfort.

    ReplyDelete
  24. We tried to get pregnant for a few years in a local clinic. There were no results. We've tried everything possible but nothing. We were recommended to use donor eggs. I knew we have to try herbal made medicine. I was terrified. I didn't know how to go about it and where to begin my search. When my friend recommended me to Dr Itua herbal medicine in Western African. I thought she was joking. I knew nothing about that country and I was afraid with shame I must say I thought it was a little bit...wild? Anyway she convinced me to at least check it out. I've done the research and thought that maybe this really is a good idea. Dr Itua has reasonable prices. Also it has high rates of successful treatments. Plus it uses Natural Herbs. Well I should say I was convinced. I and My Husband give a try and now we can say it was the best decision in our lives. We were trying for so long to have a child and suddenly it all looked so simple. The doctors and staff were so confident and hopeful they projected those feelings on me too. I am so happy to be a mother and eternally thankful to Dr Itua and Lori My Dear Friend. Don’t be afraid and just do it! Try Dr itua herbal medicine today and sees different in every situaton.Dr Itua Contact Info...Whatsapp+2348149277967/drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com Dr Itua have cure for the following diseases.All types of cancer,Liver/Kidney inflamatory,Fibroid,Infertility.Herpes Virus.

    ReplyDelete
  25. IVF is one such treatment in which if couples are unable to conceive naturally, egg and sperm are fertilised outside the body.Best IVF Centre in Delhi

    IVF Specialist in Delhi

    best IVF clinic in Delhi

    ReplyDelete
  26. Thank you for sharing with us. Facing problem in conceiving pregnancy. Now the get the treatment for infertility problems and be cured with the IVF Treatment in India. Get the successful and affordable priced IVF treatments from us.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Course Has Self Paced Recorded Video Tutorials Featuring Experts And Additional Reading Material For Reference.
    machine learning internship

    ReplyDelete
  28. Thank you for sharing helpful articles.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Many people are very interested in the call women in Rajendra Place and want to spend the day with them. If you really want to go with them then you can go with them. They think of all their customers as really necessary because they often earn love from you. No escorts will ever disappoint you in any way. And the tricks and techniques of Rajendra nagar Escorts are best suited to please you physically and mentally.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hebeon Technologies provides free coding courses in India. we are having experience for more than 10 years in training different courses. Different types of courses offered are : C, Java, Advanced Java, Python, MySQL, Data Structures, C++, HTML & CSS, Aptitude, Online machine learning course, AI, and also some other benefits like English typing & Aptitude.


    free coding courses

    ReplyDelete
  31. Hebeon Technologies provides free coding courses in India. we are having experience for more than 10 years in training different courses.
    free coding courses

    ReplyDelete
  32. He also loves to help others to achieve their fitness goals and spread the knowledge where needed. Matthew's other passions include learning about mindfulness, strolling through nature, and always working to improve overall. Hopefully, the information above has helped you to gain some more knowledge about “warm-up exercises before workout bodybuilding”, and bring some small value to you.

    Rhino Spark Male
    Xoth Keto BHB
    Insulux Comentarios
    Quick Flow Male Enhancement
    Keto Burn Advantage
    Keto GT Doctor Juan
    Xoth Keto BHB

    ReplyDelete
  33. KIC CHENNAI
    Kiran Infertility Centre is also known as KIC is one of the oldest and well-reputed infertility treatment facilities in India has started its journey way back in 1981. KIC in its four decades has been a pioneer in infertility treatment in India

    Kiran Infertility Center – Chennai offers the best Varicocele treatment in Chennai. We are also providing other state-of-the-art treatments in ART like IVF, ICSI, IUI , Test Tube Baby, Egg Freezing and Altruistic Surrogacy to help in fulfilling your dreams of having a baby.
    The male reproductive organ -Testes is located in the sac also known as scrotum. The scrotum also contains the arteries and veins that supplies blood to the reproductive glands. Any abnormality in the vein may lead to varicocele. So, any expansion of the veins within the scrotum may result in vericocele.
    Varicocele is one of the known causes of low sperm count or production. Nevertheless, not all varicoceles affect sperm production. Varicoceles may also result in the testicles to shrink or cause failure in their development.
    A varicocele can lead to infertility due to low sperm production or decrease in the quality of the sperms. It can also shrink the testicles. Varicoceles are common as they can be found in 15 percent of the adult male population and around 20 percent of adolescent males. They are more common in males aged around 15 to 25.
    The good news is that varicoceles are treatable. Dozens of reports have been published demonstrating the benefit of varicocele surgery to improve sperm counts. Yet, varicocele repair remains controversial, particularly for small varicoceles that cannot be seen or felt on a physical exam. Studies have known greater improvements in semen quality after repair of large varicoceles compared with smaller ones.

    https://kicchennai.com/

    ReplyDelete

  34. I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.
    Neerudus Dental Clinic
    unsweetened beauty

    ReplyDelete